Graveside Reflection
by Sandpiper
Summary: Sarah Ashley visits her husband's grave soon after returning from Darwin. Contains some back story about their life pre-film.


Sarah Ashley leaned forward in the saddle as her horse snorted his way up the hill. When they reached the top she sat back, allowing both of them to stop and have a rest.

As was her usual habit, she'd gone out riding soon after breakfast and been gone most of the day. However, this time her purpose was not to avoid entertaining ladies and escape the loneliness of an empty manor, but to break in her new mount. A Brumby from the Drover's herd. Although not as elegant as the thoroughbreds she owned in England, he had been correct that they were strong and cunning animals.

She gazed down at the ranch house, and the land around it. It was amazing to think this was the same place they'd driven the cattle from a few weeks ago. Instead of dry and dusty everything was now lush and green. The blanket of green on the hillside below her marred only by a cluster of gray slabs standing among them.

The cemetary.

After a moment's contemplation, she steered her horse down the slope toward the cemetary. She pulled the reigns to a stop at the edge and dismounted. She took a minute to tie her horse to a nearby tree. Brumbys were also willfull, so she didn't trust him to not run off.

After securing her horse, she stepped between the gravestones until coming to a stop in front of the one reading "Lord Maitland Ashley."

The grass had grown tall around it since the funeral. Sarah leaned forward to brush away a few stray leaves which had collected on the top.

She recalled her husband's rushed funeral the day of her arrival at Far Away Downs. Everything had been mostly a blurr that evening after storming into the ranch house intent on giving her husband what for only to find him laying on a table covered in blood, his eyes staring blankly into nothing. After then she'd been all to happy to allow Neil Fletcher to take over .

She quickly learned what a mistake that had been. At the time, however, the shock had gotten the better of her. Though they had been virtual strangers for years, but she couldn't believe Maitland was actually dead.

She remembered how she'd last spoken about him to the Drover during the ride to Far Away Downs. He never asked, but she could tell he was curious about what made her speak so harshly about him.

Sarah was glad he didn't ask because the truth went so far back she barely understood it herself.

Her and Maitland had been happy once.

When they first met she was struck by how adventerous and lively he was. So different from the stodgy gentry like her farther and his aquaintances.

Her family approved, as Maitland was from a titled family, and they married.

They begain their lives with a year long honeymoon which they spent traveling across America. Everywhere from New York City to California.

When they returned to England she was with child, so they settled at his country house and began preparing to start their family.

She'd dreamed of the babe she would soon have. Christmases and picnics at the manor. Traveling as a family in the future and showing their children the world.

However, the baby came early. Too early. It didn't survive the birth. Afterward she was striken with childbirth fever and was very ill for a long time.

The doctors told her she was lucky to be alive, but that she could no longer bear children.

After the loss of their child, her and Maitland's relationship was never the same. He had tried to help her, but she pushed him away. Her shame and greif was so intense at learning she'd never have the family she'd dreamed of.

With each year that passed they drifted farther apart until it was almost as if they had never known each other at all.

The final blow which ended any hope of them having a marriage in anything other than name came when Maitland left for Australia. His explanation had been that his family's property was having difficulty so he had to travel to oversee it himself. She suspected that his actual reason was to get away from her.

Her suspicions were confirmed one day at tea in London when she overheard a group of aquiantances discussing Maitland's departure. One stated that she was baffled as to why a family like the Ashleys would even own a property in a place like Australia, and another answered in a whispered voice that many gentlemen kept properties like Far Away Downs because of the…availability of native women. At this revealation the ladies had gasped in scandal, and then commented that it explained why she had not accompanied her husband down under.

Her cheeks had burned with shame, and she barely made it out of the café before breaking down in tears.

They next morning she decided that was fine by her. If Maitland no longer desired a life with her, she no longer desired a life with him either.

She also no longer desired the company of gosspy society women, so she closed out their townhouse and settled down permanently at the manor. The manor always suited her much better anyway. She could spend her time in the stables, or along the countryside and do as she pleased.

She thought sadly of how it had been mostly her fault that her and Maitland lost their chance at starting over. Perhaps if he hadn't died they would have reconcilled, but now she'd never know.

Placing her hand tenderly on the headstone she raised her head and watch the sun setting over the russet cliffs in the distance and was struck, yet again, by the beauty of this land. This land which seemed to bring her back to life just as the rains feel and brought life to it's barren soil.

With a final smile of regret at the years she'd lost, and hope for the future she stood to return to her horse and her new life in this Australia.


End file.
